Reading today….”Learn when to say “NO” rather than being Over-allowing” to others.
Being “Over-allowing”, I had never heard this phrase before and Googling the phrase resulted in an empty search. However, I did find an article, “On how to say NO”, which shed some light on it.
Speaking personally, I have realized saying NO, sometimes has been hard. Soul searching and recognizing that I was a people pleaser was an epiphany. People pleasing often led me down roads which turned out to be detours leading to emotional disasters.
So Over-allowing…Why is it part of my makeup? Your makeup?
- Fear of disappointing others
- Anxiety
- Taught to be polite.
- Self-doubt
- I am not good enough
- Avoiding conflict
- Peace at any price
- Emotional neglect
The list could go on and on. How do we break the “Over-allowing” mindset? Is it possible?
YES, it is.
- Recognize that you are a people-pleaser
- Identify the root cause of being a people pleaser
- Pinpoint triggers
- Build and maintain boundaries
- Journal
- Understand that your value is not rooted in the opinions of others!
- Psalm 139 – You are fearfully and wonderfully created by the Creator of the universe.
- It is ok to say NO!!
Acknowledging your triggers is important….but just as critical is developing and embracing tools that equip you, which are needed for you to become an overcomer to the trap of “Over-allowing”.
Over the years, a few things occurred that led me to the freedom path regarding being a people-pleaser.
Reading Galatians, this verse jumped out of me…stopping me in my people-pleasing path….Galatians 1:10 (Paul writing) “I’m obviously not trying to flatter you or water down my message to be popular with men (women) (people) but my supreme passion is to please GOD. For if all I attempt to do is please people, I would fail to be a true servant of Christ”.
WHAT!!! Paul struggled with being a people pleaser. There is nothing new under the sun
I was not alone in this struggle.
I started sharing this affliction with others, which I must say took some courage, yet having others approach me thanking me for sharing my story was another life-changing moment.
What say you? Are you a People Pleaser?
STOP!
NO more excuses!!!
It’s ok say no!!!
Repeat after me, It’s ok to say NO!!
“Barb, Could you help me Saturday afternoon move some stuff?”
“Oh, I wish I could…but I am already committed!!”
My response was stated nicely, I made eye contact and I delivered with a smile They didn’t need to know I was committed to going home and taking a nap!!!
Be Blessed!!